I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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