Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
