im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just had sex bonerless
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
