She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
