Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's always time for handjobs
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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