Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
