I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
