If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
