he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
