I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
