I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
