Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
