Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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