Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
