You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
