I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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