Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
