When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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