rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
