Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
