I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
