After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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