he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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