When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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