Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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