and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
