i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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