just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
