Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
