i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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