my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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