Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
