one two three fourrrrnication!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
