How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
