Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
