she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
