So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
