Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and she was petting her beer can
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
