About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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