Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
