Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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