Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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