So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
