I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
