I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
