I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
