can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
