somebody snuck up and got me drunk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
