wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
only you would photoshop your dick
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
