you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
