If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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