New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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