Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
