hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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