The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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