There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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