You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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